Leather Goddesses of Phobos - Infocom/Virgin Mastertronic RRP œ9.99
                     (Text-only)

                 Reviewed by Nigel Nock

Recently re-released by Virgin Mastertronic on a budget label,
this text-only adventure represents a pure bargain for anyone
harking back to the early days of personal computing. 

Do you remember those halcyon days when text was king? Graphics
were strictly a poor blocky affair, an exception as opposed to the
rule. Flying in the face of fashion now, Virgin are relying on the
proven quality of the Infocom titles for the success of this
re-run. Graphical adventures with high-quality visuals and
encapsulating sound are the norm today but here, as in every
Infocom adventure, the quality is in the text. Descriptions to make
you bellow in laughter, wipe your eyes with dismay and one or two
to make other bits stand up and be counted! 

To compare text and graphical adventures, just look at the
difference between a film and the written word. With the film, you
see the action. You know what's happening because it's there, in
front of your eyes. A book, however, lets you do the imaging.
Anyone who has felt disappointed after watching a screen
adaptation of their favourite book will know exactly what I mean.
The depth with which an author can write a novel simply cannot be
attained in a film. The written word conjures up the pictures in
your mind, the biggest dragon, the hottest fire. Have you ever
actually seen something that is more frightening, more colourful
or more erotic than your own dreams?

But enough, I don't want to be drawn into the age-old battle of
text versus graphic adventures as I enjoy both. Correction, I
enjoy playing well-written games within each field. What's the
point of stunning graphics held together by a cardboard plot or
a text adventure of such magnitude that by the time you have
hacked out the superfluous adjectives, you are left staring at a
barren wasteland of words. No, no, no ... let's get back to the
review. 

The title sets the pace, not for a pervert's outing, but for a
humorous jaunt set in the pulp fiction world of the nineteen
thirties.

Can you save the planet from the fiendish Leather Goddesses? Do
you have the power to stop them in their tracks? Can you defeat
their plan to turn all Earthlings into sex slaves? Do you really
want to?

The text itself offers the ability to select mode from Tame,
Suggestive or Lewd. These modes are directly proportional to the
American cinema ratings and roughly equate to our U, 15 and 18
codes. Having said that, other than one particularly notable
exception, things don't get too steamy even in the lewd mode.
It simply means that a slightly different vocabulary is used,
adding a bit of spice to the game. Playing the same scene in
different modes tends to cause much amusement, as the changes
subtly reveal themselves.

In true adventuring style, there is one clear goal awaiting
you - the Leather Goddesses must be defeated. To complete this
seemingly simple task, you have to assemble a device from a
shopping list provided by your game partner (steady, steady...),
either male or female depending upon your sex. The required items
vary in description from a length of rubber hose to a picture of
Jean Harlow and collecting these items is not quite as easy as a
trip around Woolies. Some items, notably the white mouse, seem
to be a bit abject to your plans and try to avoid your grasp at
all costs. Your only reward for all of this work is that you free
the world of depravity - seems a shame doesn't it?

The game includes many locations, each with a rich description in
any mode. Visiting the penguin orphanage was great, as was
steaming up and down the river visiting the various docks. Puzzles
are included at regular intervals, meaning that everything must be
examined and hidden objects are commonplace. This is where the game
really shines, the puzzles become a topic for conversation and a
few old film tricks are dug up and used. My personal favourite is
a superb little invention, a 'T' remover. Just imagine what you
could do with that? I put in a rabbit and got a Rabbi .... get the
picture? Some of the puzzles, however, are a little beyond the
inexperienced adventurer but don't worry - help is at hand.
Anticipating the problems us novice adventurers would face,
Virgin Mastertronic have kindly included an on-line hint system.
This gives the advantage of saving hours of brain-racking (not
to mention miles of carpet that would have been paced).
Unfortunately, it also gives the temptation of looking up
anything that looks potentially difficult. Even if you take the
cheating route, the game will take quite some time to complete
and will provide hours of fun, even then.

The final scene sees you assembling and using your weapon to
great effect, hopefully destroying the Leather Goddesses forever.
The wonderful descriptions continue right up to the climax,
leaving you in a post-coital trance, wondering which of the other
re-releases to try next.

A classic game at a budget price. You want my advice? Buy it.