PORK I - AGT/Dave Malmberg Pork - the Great Underground Sewer System is a spoof on Zork 1, based on a BASIC game, converted to AGT and expanded by David Malmberg. If you're familiar with Zork 1, you'll spot some similarities between the two games. The thief from Zork 1 has been replaced by a tax collector in Pork. Like the thief, he will steal things from you but, as in Zork 1, don't worry because you can get them back later! Naturally, your lamp will run out of batteries while you're playing. However, unexpected help will turn up and solve your problem. This will transport you to a different part of the game and you will have to move and rejoin the solution at that point. START: West of House, by a little mailbox. Ignore the letter, it's a letter-bomb! S - E - W - (Inside House) - GET GUN - EXAMINE IT - (to stop people stealing things from you) - GET FOOT - EXAMINE IT - (from a really big rabbit!) - (There's a trapdoor here so ...) - OPEN DOOR - DOWN - (Cellar) - GET LAMP - LIGHT IT - N - N - (Sumo Room - a huge sumo wrestler blocks all the exits) - (SAVE GAME!) - HIT SUMO - (till he sits on himself and kills himself ... you may get killed randomly during this bit. If so, restore and retry) - DROP GUN - E - E - DROP FOOT - S - S - S - S - E - S - (Tomb) - GET SHOVEL - GET BILL - N - W - N - N - N - N - DROP SHOVEL. W - W - S - S - UP - (you hit open the trapdoor with your head and give yourself a massive headache!) - (You're back in the Cellar) - E - E - S - DOWN - (Bottom of Cliff with a rainbow and a pot in the distance. Don't do anything with the rainbow because you'll die) - WAVE BILL - (a man leaves you a pot of pot) - GET POT - EXAMINE IT - (5 joints) - UP - (you get a 5 point bonus for ignoring the rainbow) - N - W - W - (Cellar) - PUT BILL IN VAULT - (1/13 treasures stored). OPEN DOOR - DOWN - N - N - GET GUN - W - N - (Hippy Maze; there's a hippy here who stops you going up) - GIVE JOINT TO HIPPY - (he "indulges" and gets wasted!) - UP - (Tax Collector's Lair; you see the tax collector and a tax exemption form, which he won't let you take) - SHOOT COLLECTOR (till he taxes himself to death) - DROP GUN - GET FORM - DOWN - S - E - E - E - S - S - S - S - (to a Mirror Room) - EXAMINE MIRROR (the sight of your face breaks it! But luckily it reveals an exit south) - S - E - S - DOWN - E (Wine-tasting Room; you see bottles of cheap wine) - GET WINE - W - UP - N - W - W - (Cyclops Room; the cyclops won't let you leave) - READ SIGN - (it hints that the cyclops is afraid of the name Ulysses ... but don't be fooled by this, you'll just get beaten up!) - GIVE WINE TO CYCLOPS (he drinks it and passes out). UP - N - (A Grue's Lair. There's a grue here but luckily he's friendly. From now on he'll follow you round and when your lamp runs out, he'll take you to his Lair and provide you with a new one as explained at the start of this solution) - PAT GRUE (for being so nice you get an extra 10 points) - S - DOWN - E - N - N - N - N - N - W - W - S - S - UP - (another headache) - PUT FORM IN VAULT - PUT WINE IN VAULT - PUT POT IN VAULT (4/13 treasures stored). DOWN - N - N - E - E - S - S - S - S - S - E - S - DOWN (Chili Contest) - EXAMINE PEOPLE (pigging out on chili!) - GET POT - UP - N - W - N - N - GET SHOES - EXAMINE SHOES (non-slip) - WEAR SHOES - N - N - N - W - W - S - S - UP - (yet another headache!) - PUT CHILI IN VAULT (5/13 treasure stored). E - S - S (Midst of Woods) - CLIMB TREE (you see a nest with a golden egg) - GET EGG - DOWN - N - E - W - PUT EGG IN VAULT (6/13 treasures stored). DOWN - N - N - E - E - S - S - S - S - S - E - GET BAT - EXAMINE IT (signed by Ronald Reagan) - W - N - N - N - N - N - N (Lake Shore; there's a boat here) - E (you sail the boat across the lake to a Pitcher's Room where the pitcher throws a ball to stop you going north) - HIT BALL (with the bat; you kill the pitcher) - N (Losers' Hall of Fame; you see your portrait) - GET PORTRAIT - S - W - S - DROP BAT - DROP PORTRAIT - GET SHOVEL - GET FOOT - N - N (A Sandy Beach - there's an "X" on the ground) - DIG (four times till you fall through into a hole) - DIG - (you fall through into a Shaft Room) - DOWN (the shoes stop you slipping and killing yourself) - DOWN - W (A Rabbit Warren; there's a rabbit here with only one foot. He's really cross and won't let you leave) - GIVE FOOT TO RABBIT (he's so pleased he drops his cane and leaves) - GET CANE - N (Diamond Mine) - N - GET DIAMOND - E (the frog here will follow you from now on) - GET CARPET - W - N - N - N - N - E (back to the Lake Shore) - S - GET BAT - GET PORTRAIT - W - W - S - S - UP (yet another headache as you crash through the trapdoor) - PUT BAT IN VAULT - PUT PORTRAIT IN VAULT - PUT CANE IN VAULT - PUT CARPET IN VAULT (10/13 treasures stored). DOWN - N - N - E - E - S - S - S - S - S - W - UP (Wash Room; there's a washing machine here) - PUT DIAMOND IN MACHINE - WASH DIAMOND (you get some shiny coal in exchange) - GET COAL - DOWN - E - N - E (A Worship Room) - GET PRAYER BOOK - W - N - N - N - N - E (Loud Room. The heavy metal band here are making so much noise you can't do anything except....) - PULL PLUG (the band dash off leaving a guitar) - GET GUITAR - E - DOWN - DOWN - DOWN - DOWN - DOWN (The Gates of Hell; you see a bell) - RING BELL - (the porter arrives and gives you a guided tour and you get 15 points). UP (you arrive back in the Triangular Room) - W - W - W - W - S - S - UP (your final headache!) - PUT COAL IN VAULT - PUT PRAYER BOOK IN VAULT - PUT GUITAR IN VAULT (13/13 treasures stored!). As you put the last treasure in the vault, the vault closes and disappears behind a painting. A voice booms out congratulations and it's so loud that it sets off an earthquake! The ground opens up and you fall ...... see you in Pork 2!! FINAL SCORE: 160/160 (10 pts for each of the 13 treasures in the vault - 15 for visiting Hell - 10 for being nice to the Grue and 5 for ignoring the rainbow).