Unnkulian Underworld: The Unknown Unventure by D. A. Leary (TADS Text adventure on ST (1 Meg required) and PC) Available on SynTax PD 377 and PD 329 Reviewed (PC version) by Neil Shipman 'Come closer my child,' your ageing master Kuulest whispers. 'Soon my life will end. But yours is just beginning! The Unnkulian menace threatens to rise again, destroying all that stand in its way...and I am dying before my time. It is true you are but an untrained, untutored, useless, incompetent...' 'Uh, master...' you interrupt. 'Oh, sorry. Where was I? Oh yes. An untrained slave. Certainly not fit to carry on in the tradition of me, the ancient wise man Kuulest.' Your master coughs, spitting green phlegm on your shirt. 'Oops. But as I was saying, you are the only hope for this world - and perhaps worlds beyond! You must find the Orb of - ' With a final choke, your master expires, leaving, as he so often did in life, a task uncompleted for you to finish. If only you knew what the task was... Praise Duhdha! That old geezebag Kuulest has finally bitten the big banana. What you had done to deserve a slavemaster like him you'll never know, but now you're free - free, that is, but for the little matter of saving the world. You begin your adventure in a hut with Kuulest lying dead on the floor, a handy oil lamp by his side. This meagre hovel is situated in the Forest of Radeekal on the eastern shore of Lake Draounheer where, just to the north, a lighthouse stands proudly on the clifftop. The Cheez Pig Inn lies to the northeast and, in the tradition of the very first Adventure, a locked iron grate can be found in a peaceful glade. You can explore a dozen or so locations before having to solve any puzzles but, obviously, you need to get the grate open before you can make further progress and find out just what you are supposed to do in order to rid the world of the Unnkulian menace. What to do seems pretty straightforward - but how to do it set me off on one of the funniest, most enjoyable shareware adventures I have played this year. The immediate impression you gain from the lengthy descriptions of places, objects and characters is how all-pervading has been the influence of Acme, a corporation who seem to have cornered the market on some of the most wonderful phonetic spelling you could wish to see. There's Acme Undistrukteble Saaphtee Glaahz, the Acme Mayle-Diliveree Byrd with Phethers by Phether, Inc. (a subdeevishun oph Acme), the Acme Sooper-Dooper Brij Kreeaytor and the Acme Dam Bownsee Bahskitbawl to name just a very few. Once underground your main problems include dealing with the Acme Jenerik Advenchur Beest, fooling a shortsighted, suspicious droll who watches over the Valley King's stone chest, and figuring out how to get past the Guardian which homes in on your body heat. High up in the Beegas'hell Mountains on the other side of the lake is a monastery dedicated to Duhdism, the religion of the ancients. If you can satisfy the wise old monk in the foyer he will let you into the inner temple and the altar where you can read The Legend of Duhdha and the Shot to Heaven: One fine summer day, Duhdha was loading a catapult with rocks. When his students asked what he was doing, the great Duhdha just smiled and said, 'Something real neat.' Soon, the catapult was full, and Duhdha pulled the lever as his students looked on... The continuing legend still makes me laugh when I think about it! Back underground again you will eventually cross a chasm of molten lava and wend your way through rocky halls where the dread Demons of Unnkulia lurk in the shadows. Further journeying will take you to an alchemist's laboratory where you can play at mixing various coloured powders; to the Demons' dungeon complete with medieval torture devices; to the nesting place of a giant mouse whose droppings are the size of cannonballs; and to the Unnkulian Branch Office Of Acme. How can you stop the Acme Sekuritee Ghards from carting you off to prison? What does the beaver want? Why can't you unlock the Acme Dam Tastee Cheez (tm) Door? And how can you get past the deadly shaft of green light which blocks the way to your goal? These are just a few of the well thought out puzzles constructed by the author throughout this 70 location adventure. While some problems have fairly obvious solutions there are many that will require lateral thinking and action which is definitely out of the ordinary. But, as long as you examine everything and read all the text carefully, the clues are there to help you on your way. Unnkulian Underworld is written with TADS which gives it the look of an old Infocom adventure. If you have played any of the TADS games before (and if not, why not?) you will know how wonderfully flexible the parser is. The vocabulary is extensive and Leary has provided responses for most of the things you would think of doing - and quite a few that any normal(?) adventurer wouldn't! Descriptions are extensive and there are a number of red herrings but these all have the effect of giving the adventure greater depth and reality. All the characters you meet are brought to life by the often hilarious ways in which they act and talk in your presence. For example; the droll might relate a twisted epigram about a long sword and a short dwarf; and the wise man may pull his left eyelid over his nostrils and say, "He who can see his own nose hairs knows of his own social worth." Unnkulian Underworld is an original and very funny adventure. Leary has succeeded in creating a whole new gameworld and I feel sure that Unnkulian Unventures are set to become a series which every discerning text adventurer will delight in. (Fellow author Dave Baggett has already produced Unnkulian Unventure II: The Secret of Acme - and both writers have further titles in the pipeline.) 'Dam Tastee' is what I say! So be a Kuul Duhd, get a copy from Sue and show your appreciation by sending $10 to Leary in the States. Registration entitles you to hints and a map of the early part of the adventure - plus further help if you need it.