Adventurers - Aren't We Cruel?
                 Ruminations by James Judge
  Dedicated to that poor mummy at the start of Dungeon Master

A little while ago my favourite Bloodwych bud and I were happily
traversing the dungeons of Trazere together, casting spells high
and low, killing many monsters and getting a fair way into the
last tower when he (James Jillians) dealt the final blow to a
group of monsters and then sat back with a contented smile on his
face.

Then his usually jovial face suddenly became overcast with a cloud
of doubt and said "just think about how all these poor monsters
feel when we kill them. Here we come, zipping into their home,
killing left, right and centre and just so we can kill something
at the end of it. They are only doing a job or protecting their
home!" The cloud of doubt then passed and a malevolent grin
appeared as he charged into a group of dragons shouting "DIE
SCUM!" and dutifully died, leaving me with the mopping up
operation.

Still, that small sentence got me thinking, and that is often a
very dangerous thing to do, especially when I have got the family
brain-cell plugged in.

So, let us think about the average RPG (whether it be in the form
of a 3D epic such as UUW2, a 2D game such as Castle Of The Winds
or a text based adventure in the form of Tales Of Tavisa) and what
we, the player, have to do.

Well, this normally involves traversing across some dangerous
landscapes, down into some dank, dangerous dungeons and then
killing the final entity. Then, maybe, travelling back through
the dungeons and landscapes braving yet more dangers to deliver an
item obtained from the entity into the hands of a gracious king,
thus winning you the hand of an adoring princess.  All sounds
pretty standard fare, something that no adventurer would dare to
balk from - it is ONLY a small quest and one that could be
completed given a few weeks of playing.

BUT, the question that must be asked is just what makes the
dungeons and landscapes dangerous. Well, monsters and puzzles,
that's what. The monsters usually try to show us how to dissect
the average adventurer in a 101 interesting ways, whilst the
puzzles aid to stall us on our quest, often with horrific results
for completing them wrongly (ie death or a quick fireball up the
backside).

Let's look at the monsters first of all. The reasons why they
attack us (and lose to us) are many and varied from:

"well, guv, this group of four adventurers were just, like, there
and, well, we needed something to blunt our axes with. And, well,
they just had, like, bigger axes than us, kinda. S'cuse while I
cop it, guv" [goblinoid]

to

"well, going on the orders of Lord High-And-Mighty-With-A-Big-Nose
II we progressed in an orderly phalanx manoeuvre over the hill
where we encountered the said adventurers. Upon sighting, both
parties screamed at each other and did the best to maim one
another with a varied selection of weapons, spells and nasty
insults. The outcome was not favourable for us as the insults were
just too inventive from the enemy (and they had bigger axes than
we did).  Please excuse me while I die from a fatal wound
inflicted from the insult 'you look like David Mellor'" [gullible
army major]

and

"Grunt, ug, <thud>, <thud>, <splat>, uurgh" [an animal]

Now, the conundrum that is presented to us now is should we, as
the party of law-abiding, basically nice kinda people have killed
the above three groups?  'Of course we should have - they were in
the way of justice!' you cry unanimously (oh, how I like
solidarity). Well, look at the society we live in today. The
law-givers (police) aren't allowed to lay a finger on people who
stand in the way of justice, just say 'excuse me, sir' and try to
pass.  Of course, the times these adventures were set in (normally
the equivalent of the middle ages) there was no real police force
and the knights were allowed to do whatever the hell they wished -
whether it is to get the baker's daughter pregnant or feasting on
the scribe's favourite lamb. So, surely, we, the player, can go
about killing things that stand in our way, just as the knights of
old did.

Maybe not. I think you would be VERY hard-pressed to find someone
who would say "bring back the middle-ages, I loved the variety of
diseases, the level of squalor and the fear instilled into our
very hearts by the marauding knights, the loss of the odd daughter
and lamb and the really poor level of health care. Brilliant. Oh,
for the good old days!"

So, these days where equality reigns supreme, we no longer live in
fear of the police, and we can walk down the street without
worrying about catching the plague from the wagons of dead that
parade up and down the streets, we should at least abide by the
rules that we, as a race, have instilled.

There are very few people who aren't moved by the sight of an
elephant's face hacked off by the crazed poachers who wish to
obtain the ivory tusks, or by seeing Africans living in perpetual
fear of the next military coup and what the armed forces will do
to them, as they just try to stay in their homeland, protecting
their children and homes.

So, surely, we mustn't forsake these values we have instilled into
our society by booting up a computer, walking through a landscape
and killing a few tigers, rhinos and goblins, walking into homes
(ie dungeons) slaughtering the inhabitants we find there and just
for treasure or fame.

True, if we were attacked first, without due provocation, we would
have all the rights in the world with which to impede the attacker
with death, but how do we measure due provocation?

Let me take two of the examples I gave above, the goblinoid and
animal and explain away why they would attack the fool-hardy
adventurer. (Let us just say that the goblinoid is just a tribal
creature who lives in caves and doesn't like human company, and
hasn't tried any vicious campaigns against us).

I am sorry to anyone who has watched The Crying Game and can
remember this little tale, but I liked it and it sums up quite a
few reactions in this crazy world of ours.

Here goes:

--

There was once a frog and a scorpion. They both lived beside a
river but times had been hard and all the food had disappeared
from their side of the river.  They both needed food, but only the
frog could cross the river without drowning.  One day the frog
decided to depart and just as he was about to enter the river the
scorpion came up and said:

'Can you take me across the river on your back?'

To which the frog replied:

'Certainly not, you would sting me and I would die'

The scorpion thought and then said:

'If I promise not to sting you, will you take me?'

'Yes', said the frog.

So, the scorpion stood upon the frog's back and the frog started
to swim across the river. Halfway across he felt a burning pain in
his back and he started to become paralysed, the scorpion had
stung him. Before he, and the scorpion, disappeared beneath the
water the frog asked:

'Why did you do it, why did you sting me? Now I can't swim and we
will both die'

'Sorry', said the scorpion 'I couldn't help it, it's in my
nature'.

--

From that small tale (good, wasn't it?) we can see that the
animal's and goblin's behaviour was just in their nature, either
protecting their homes, families or searching for food.

Now, I'm not saying that we should all lay down arms and let the
monsters take chunks out of us, but at least have a little
compassion in your hearts when you next whip out five foot of
metal and use it to decapitate a poor monster - they are only
doing what is coming naturally, so you can't really blame them.

As for the other monster (the gullible army major), well, you can
enjoy smashing him to bits and calling him names - he has had a
choice as to what he wants to do and he made the wrong one! (well,
for him at least).

So, the next time you are playing Crusaders Of The Dark Savant and
come across a group of ravens pity them, the next time a spider
attacks you in Arena (if you can get it to work!) just think about
the poor babies it has left behind, the next time a rat tries to
take a chunk out of your leg just think of his wife and how much
sorrow she will feel (well, maybe). Of course, there are a few fun
games you can play that require not an iota of conscience at all
including Bloodwych, Legend, Ravenloft and Dungeon Master (not, of
course, forgetting the old shoot-em-ups such as Doom and
Wolfenstein).

Now the next point I wish to raise are about how we kill the poor
monsters and solve the obligatory puzzles.

We kill monsters and solve puzzles by (mainly) using objects we
find scattered about the place - whether they are lying in the
grasp of a dead adversary or on the ground, amongst the bushes or
even in a house. Text adventures and RPGs such as Arena are the
worst perpetrators of this crime - in Arena you can happily break
into people's houses, steal items, nip out of the towns and enter
large castles or even shrines, taking anything that you find! Then
you have got the text adventure - it is hard to think of a good
text adventure when you can't go in to someone's house, pick up
their treasured belongings (such as a teddy bear, secreted
underneath a bed [a Fox's glacier mint to the person who can tell
me which game THAT came from]) or just have a good rifle through
their belongings, dropping litter and other such things, leaving
doors open and generally showing a great deal of disregard for
peoples possessions.

Again, how many people feel ticked off when a treasure hunt group
comes a-knocking on your door asking for obscure items such as a
Des O'Connor LP or an old half-penny? Well, how would you like it
if they just picked the door while you were at work, ransacked
your house, made breakfast, had a kip and took the needed item,
then left all the doors open, the toilet unflushed and a pile of
dirty plates scattered around the lounge floor? Pretty ticked off,
I expect.  There is only one game that I can think of that
actually rewards you for doing good deeds, and that is The Obscure
Naturalist. Here you're presented with a number of ways to gain
bonus points. The two ways that I have found are to put some old
newspaper into a bin and the other is returning a baby starling to
a nest. They in no way affect the outcome of the game, but as a
good adventurer you'd want to do some good things, don't you?
(especially after decimating half the population of Middle Earth
or Krynn in the latest RPG with no compunction as to what you
maim, slaughter or kill).

This doesn't look too good for adventurers, does it? Now we are
all thieves, liars, murderers and cheaters, not to mention rude,
brash, inconsiderate little goits who have no real feeling for
the world around us.

But this is all true, isn't it? The way we carry on in these games
leaves a lot to be desired and we definitely wouldn't advocate
this behaviour to the youth of today, so why should we continue to
act in such a way?

Because it is really good fun! Who can resist rooting through
people's possessions, or killing the hapless monster that just
happens to be wandering down the corridor waving its arms in a
terrifying way? No-one. I blame it on today's society - we can't
do those things so we enter 'cyberspace' (to coin a current
hype-word) and carry out things that are forbidden to us in this
world and time.

Still, no matter whether it is fun or not doesn't make it right,
so just think the next time you deal the final blow to a monster
or pick up an item from someone's house. You never know, some
clever programmer just might include a 'do good things and get
bonus points' slant to their game, and you (the irreverent
adventurer) may just lose out!

Right, now I'm going to have a good game of Eye Of The Beholder,
paying particular attention to the wildlife, while stealing as
many objects as possible! Hahahahahahahahaha...



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