Discworld Quotes arranged by Story - Part 1 Taken from the Internet *The Colour of Magic *The Light Fantastic *Equal Rites *Mort *Sourcery *Wyrd Sisters *Pyramids *Guards! Guards! *Eric *Moving Pictures *Reaper Man *Witches Abroad *Small Gods *Lords and Ladies *Men at Arms *Soul Music *Maskerade ------------------------------------------------------------------ The Colour of Magic ------------------- Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot". Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting "All gods are bastards!" ------------------------------------------------------------------ The Light Fantastic ------------------- It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well. A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal sized billiard balls. The old shaman said carefully, "You didn't just see two men go through upside down on a broomstick, shouting and screaming at each other, did you?" The boy looked at him levelly. "Certainly not," he said. The old man heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness for that," he said. "Neither did I." "Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead." He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk. "Shut up and tell me what that other idiot ish doing!" "No, but look, if I've got to shut up, how can I --" The knife at his throat became a hot streak of pain and Rincewind decided to give logic a miss. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Equal Rites ----------- "While I'm still confused and uncertain, it's on a much higher plane, d'you see, and at least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe." Treatle nodded. "I hadn't looked at it like that," he said, "But you're absolutely right. He's really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance." They may have been ugly. they may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair. For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Mort ---- "What do people like to drink here, then?" The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that they were directly in front of him. "You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people used when they said to St George, "You killed a what?" "It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?" Only one creature could have duplicated the expressions on their faces, and that would be a pigeon who has heard not only that Lord Nelson has got down off his column but has also been seen buying a 12-bore repeater and a box of cartridges. "My granny says that dying is like going to sleep," Mort added, a shade hopefully. I WOULDN'T KNOW. I HAVE DONE NEITHER. "Pardon me for living, I'm sure." NO-ONE GETS PARDONED FOR LIVING. "When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry." I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY. It is a fact that although the Death of the Discworld is, in his own words, an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, he long ago gave up using the traditional skeletal horses, because of the bother of having to stop all the time to wire bits back on. "You're dead," he said. Keli waited. She couldn't think of any suitable reply. "I'm not" lacked a certain style, while "Is it serious?" seemed somehow too frivolous. Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote. I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD. "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?" "You won't get away with this," said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you'll wish -- " He stopped talking. @~More next issue - o -