Discworld Quotes - Part 5

                  Taken from the Internet

@~Continued from Issue 48

Lords and Ladies

No matter what she did with her hair it took about three minutes
for it to tangle itself up again, like a garden hosepipe in a shed
(which, no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil
overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles).

He married that Palliard girl, remember? The one with the
air-cooled teeth?

And the child had a permanently runny nose and ought to be
provided with a handkerchief or, failing that, a cork.



It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest
possible particle of magic, was successfully demonstrated to be
made up of resons (Lit.: 'Thing-ies') or reality fragments.
Currently research indicates that each reson is itself made up of
a combination of at least five 'flavours', known as 'up', 'down',
'sideways', 'sex appeal' and 'peppermint'.

Chain-mail isn't much defence against an arrow. It certainly isn't
when the arrow is being aimed between your eyes.

It's not enough to be able to pick up a sword. You have to know
which end to poke into the enemy.

The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in
a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a
passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all
types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the
most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey,
whatever I select.


The Librarian looked out at the jolting scenery. He was sulking.
This had a lot to do with the new bright collar around his neck
with the word "PONGO" on it. Someone was going to suffer for this.

I MUST SAY THESE ARE VERY GOOD BISCUITS. HOW DO THEY GET THE BITS
OF CHOCOLATE IN?

Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause
of housework in other people.

Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in
prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be
less painful.

Mustrum Ridcully did a lot for rare species. For one thing, he
kept them rare.


Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully
was like a red flag to a bu-- was like putting something very
annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it.

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there.
Well, you never knew your luck.

The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in
accordance with the rules of universal humour, he still had his
hat on.

"I know she's in there," said Verence, holding his crown in his
hands in the famous Ai-Senor-Mexican-Bandits-Have-Raided-
Our-Village position.

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York
Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights
turning green and the cab behind you honking.


"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian ones.
They are not all that subtle."

In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Men At Arms

If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork,
he'd have gotten no further because of all the people saying "What
colour?"

Cuddy had only been a guard for a few days, but already he had
absorbed one important and basic fact: it is almost impossible for
anyone to be in a street without breaking the law.

"Young Edward thinks that there is no lake of blood too big to
wade through to put a rightful king on a throne, no deed too base
in defence of a crown. A romantic, in fact."


The Ramkins were more highly bred than a hilltop bakery, whereas
Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for
shoving.

He was said to have the body of a twenty-five year old, although
no one knew where he kept it.

"Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage."

The river Ankh is probably the only river in the universe on which
the investigators can chalk the outline of the corpse.

The Alchemist's Guild is opposite the Gambler's Guild.  Usually.
Sometimes it's above it, or below it, or falling in bits around
it.

The Patrician relaxed, in a way which only then drew gentle
attention to the foregoing moment of tension.


Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the
darkness.

Being a werewolf meant having the dexterity and jaw power to
instantly rip out a man's jugular. It was a trick of her father's
that had always annoyed her mother, especially when he did it just
before meals.

The door was still ajar, but there was a tentative tap on it which
said, in a kind of metaphorical morse code, that the tapper could
see very well that Carrot was in his room with a scantily clad
woman and was trying to knock without actually being heard.

The Librarian of Unseen University had unilaterally decided to aid
comprehension by producing an Orang-utan/Human Dictionary. He'd
been working on it for three months. It wasn't easy. He'd got as
far as "Oook".


The maze was so small that people got lost looking for it.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Soul Music

"Scum," said Crash, his voice low with resigned menace, "you've
bought a leopard, haven't you?"

"Of course, just because we've heard a spine-chilling, blood-
curdling scream of the sort to make your very marrow freeze in
your bones doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong."

It is said that whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first
make mad. In fact, whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first
hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme
Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and
doesn't take so long.

People came to Ankh-Morpork to seek their fortune.  Unfortunately,
other people sought it too.

The class was learning about some revolt in which some peasants
had wanted to stop being peasants and, since the nobles had won,
had stopped being peasants really quickly.

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind.

They looked at one another in incomprehension, two minds driving
opposite ways up a narrow street and waiting for the other man to
reverse first.

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have
heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this
close to one.

The Patrician was a pragmatist. He never tried to fix things that
worked. Things that didn't work, however, got broken.

Until an unfortunate axe incident, Gloria had been captain of the
school basketball team.

The man gave a shrug which indicated that, although the world did
indeed have many problems, this was one of them that was not his.

"Yes," said the skull. "Quit while you're a head, that's what I
say."











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