Memorable Quotes from
                      Men in Black II

                     From www.imdb.com

Agent J: Let's put it on.
Kevin Brown/K: What?
Agent J: The last suit you'll ever wear...again.

Agent J: You probably don't remember me, but we used to work
together.
Kevin Brown/K: [noticing J's black suit.] I don't remember
working in a funeral home.

 [about the driver airbag]
Kevin Brown/K: Does that come standard?
Agent J: Actually it came with a black dude, but he kept getting
pulled over.

Agent J: Look, I know you're a little scared. And I'm gonna keep
it real with you, I'm a little scared too.
Kevin Brown/K: I'm not scared.
Agent J: Me neither.

Agent J: What are you doing?
Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no.
Kevin Brown/K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, you drive that old busted joint. I drive... the new
hotness.
[pointing at K]
Agent J: old and busted.
[Pointing at himself]
Agent J: New hotness.

Kevin Brown/K: Why don't you go get me some coffee?
Agent J: Okay, you usually take it black? 'Couple cubes of kiss-
my-ass?

Frank the Pug: [Frank sings "I Will Survive"] I know you're back
from outer space. I just walked in here to find you with that sad
look upon your face. I should've dropped that stupid lock-
Agent J: FRANK!

Agent J: Could I have your attention for a moment, please?
[neuralyzes the crowd]
Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an
actual emergency, y'all would have been EATEN. 'Cause you
don't listen! That's the trouble with you New Yorkers, you're
hardheaded. "Oh, we've seen it all." I come in, I ask you nicely...
how's a man gonna come in trying to help you--then the worm
comes in, and it's, "Oh, save us, Mr. Black Man!" You all--
[neuralyzes the crowd again]
Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you
enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch
your step, y'all have a nice evening.

Kevin Brown/K: The Crelons are the Backstreet Boys of the
universe. What'd they do, throw snowballs at you?

[handing Kay the Noisy Cricket]
Agent J: This is your favorite gun.

Worms: Once you've had worm, it's what you'll yearn!

Serleena: Silly little planet. Anyone could take over the place
with the right set of mammary glands.

Mugger: Hello, pretty lady.
[licks her]
Mugger: You taste good.
Serleena: [eats him whole] So do you.

Jeebs: Smoke 'em if you got them.

Agent J: Worms! Give me some cover fire!
Worm: Too scared, can't move!

Agent J: Kid? While you were off licking stamPs I saved the
world from a Crelon invasion.

Zed: You didn't neuralize another one?
Agent J: What's that supposed to mean. Okay, you can't count
A, and L really wanted to go back to that morgue.

Frank the Pug: C'mon, J. She ain't even my species, and she
makes me hot.

 [After K shoots an alien in the head]
Agent J: You're back.
Kevin Brown/K: No.
Agent J: Then how did you know that his head would grow
back?
Kevin Brown/K: It grows back?

Undercover alien intelligence officer: I could be Agent M

Agent J: Jarra, you are under arrest for being that ugly, and for
making that many copies!

Newton: A neuralize-
Agent J: Ok. First, get some contact lenses, cause those joints
look like they could pick up cable. Second, take her to
Cambodia, get her a lobster dinner. Pay more then a dollar.
Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia, move your bum
ass outta your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old.
Kevin Brown/K: Agent J.
Agent J: Aight! Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or
Men in Black.
[J leaves]
Newton: You wanna go to Cambodia?
Hailey: Yeah.
Newton: Hey, Mom?

Newton: So what's with anal probing?

Agent J: I'm not going to take advice on relationships from a guy
who chases his own ass.
Frank the Pug: That is canine profiling, and I resent it!

 [After a disappointing performance]
Agent T: [Crying] You're going to neuralize me, brought me to a
public place so I wouldn't make a scene.
Agent J: You ARE making a scene

Frank the Pug: How about we do the good cop, bad cop
routine? You can interrogate the witness, and I'll just growl.
Grrrrr....
Agent J: How about we do the good cop, dumb dog routine, and
you just shut up.

Agent J: Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, 'Flush me J.
Flush me.' and I'd be like, 'Naw'.

Agent J: I need a containment crew at the subway station at
81st Street, revoke Jeff's movement privileges immediately, and
would someone PLEASE check the expiration date on the
Unipod worm tranquilizers?

 [Jay neuralyzes Agent T]
Agent J: Get married, have a bunch of kids, live happily.
Agent T: Okay.
Agent J: [to a waitress on his way out] My friend over there's
kind of shy, but he thinks you are HOT.

Customs Agent: Purpose of trip?
Serleena: Education. I want to learn how to be an underwear
model.

Scrad: We don't even know what planet it's on!
Serleena: He said, "the third planet!" It's on EARTH, you moron!
Charlie: [whispers] "Third Rock From the Sun."
Scrad: I never got that till now!

 [To an agent who laughs at him]
Frank the Pug: You have children?
Agent: No.
Frank the Pug: Want 'em?
[bares his teeth]

 [After Jay shows Kevin/Kay that every other employee in the
post office is an alien]
Kevin Brown/K: The wife and I went to Vegas and saw Sigfried
and Roy make a pair of white tigers fly around the room. Your
act's nothing special, slick.

Jarra: They caught me siphoning ozone from their atmosphere
to sell on the black market. These humans are very touchy
about this global warming thing.

Agent J: Jarra! Hey, been a long time.
Jarra: Five years and forty-two days. You count every one when
you're locked away like a primate.

Worms: K, you're back, they told us you were dead, you look
good!

 [Frank is wearing his very own MIB suit]
Frank the Pug: J! Wait up! I appreciate this shot man. Thought
I'd never get out of that mailroom.
Agent J: Lose the suit!
Frank the Pug: Sure thing partner. No problemo. Just going for
the look. But if I say so myself, I do find the overall effect very
slimming!

Agent J: Would somebody PLEASE explain to me why I have a
dead Tricranosloth going through Passport Control?
MIB Agent: That would be my fault Sir. I'm very sorry Sir. Please
don't neuralize me Sir!
Agent J: Wha' the hell's that supposed to mean?

 [J takes Kevin/K into the Deneuralizer room]
Agent J: The Deneuralizer. In a few moments, transverse
magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking
information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to
Earth's very survival.
Kevin Brown/K: Okay
[Pointing at the deneuralizer]
Kevin Brown/K: What's that thing?

 [On the train]
Agent J: Please move to the forward car, we've got a bug in the
system.
[He is ignored by the passengers]
Agent J: YO! WE GOT A BUG IN THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM!
[A huge bug smashes through into the compartment, the passengers
flee]
Agent J: Oh! Now y'all runnin' Now y'all... No, no, no, no, sit
down, sit down, It's only a 600 foot worm!

 [At passport control]
MIB Customs Agent: ...Any fruit or vegetables?
Serleena: [Motioning towards Scrad] Yeah Two heads of cabbage.

 [in the midst of alien fight K repeatedly kicks an alien in the
crotch but nothing happens]
Agent J: K that won't work he's a Balchinian!!

 [J tangles with Serleena's tentacles]
Agent J: I'm gonna lay the smackdown on your candy-ass!

Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The keeper
of the light! All hail K! All hail K! Oh K can you see by the dawn's
early light...

Agent J: Didn't your mother ever give you a Gameboy?
Kevin Brown/K: WHAT is a Gameboy?!












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